Budi looked at me briefly, but he was completely unbothered by my presence. His head bowed in the infinity of his nothingness and he stared at the ground as if the whole universe was squeezed into the tiny spot below his feet. His hands and arms were swollen, his dark eyes empty and cold metal wrapped around his neck sealed his defeat.

Budi´s home was engulfed in flames and he was forced to flee. He was clinging to mum´s body, as they were crossing the charred land, but their chance to survive was dire. All the food was gone and no safe haven was in a sight… His home and millions of years of evolution turned into ash within days and were replaced by wonderfilled buiscuits for everyone.

And then….BANG! When a bullet ripped into his mum´s head, Budi was confused, helpless and paralyzed. Unlike the others, he survived, but I would not call it luck. Eternal idleness was creeping up on him.

 „Hey! He is mine! Look at that hairy body, round belly and gentle fingers…I must have him! Kids will love him and he will entertain my friends…… How much shall I pay?“…… Cuteness overload! If only, he had never grown up!

But no price was too high to pay for those who measure their worth by what they could afford. No amount of suffering was serious enough consequence to give up possessions that have never been ours.

Budi, he was an orangutan and he was almost nearly like us. How fascinating. He reminded us where we came from, and at the same time how far we have shifted away from our roots. Is it a liberation or a curse? I do not know. But what I know is…. I do not see any orangutans….

I live in Europe and there are no orangutans…. I mean, I do not hear the sound of nature, I cannot recognize its voice. Most of the time. And my body knows the melody and it is wired to be outside. But it got trapped in inundation of man-made structures and lost in noise of our revelations about our experience and ourselves, that we want to impose on everyone.

Budi did not know chemical structure of durian, one of his favourite fruit. There was no label on it saying: „Grow strong“… „Instant relief“…. or „Total repair“. And yet, he knew where to find it and learned how to peel its tough rind covered with spines and reach a flesh of the fruit. And what a taste and satisfaction! He could definetely tell, that he preferred durain over anything else.

We looked into our past, future, explored world invisible to the naked eye, set foot on pristine lands and took a walk in space. Yet despite all the knowledge we accumulated and definitions we created, it is hard to pretend like the world makes sense. So why are people so loud?

We are also scared of death and our evanescence. We do not want to leave our survival to a chance. So it is understandable, that we scream as loud as we can in the cage, that we live in, to avoid dying even more. But life has always been on the other side of the fence.  

And I wonder sometimes…..Do we even know?

I am glad, that we are healthier and live longer. It is just ironic, that we destroy life, that sustain our existence by the very same attempts, that we thought will prevent us from death, which was right from the start inevitable. So we might as well chase after something unattainable.